All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
