eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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