My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
