The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
