shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
