I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
