what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
