She went from zero to smokin in five shots
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
