I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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