If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
