bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
