erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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