Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
