we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
