Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, beer. Big fan.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
