Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
