So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
