I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
