mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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