Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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