He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
