so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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