I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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