if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
