Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
