Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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