Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
