my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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