We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize