I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
