I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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