we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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