He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
