My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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