I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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