Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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