Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
