One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize