I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
