my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
