Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do vagina's smell?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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