if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
