Pappa wants mamma naked
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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