Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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