Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
