I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
