There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
