dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
