Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
