you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
