All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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