You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
