I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
