New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
