I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
