im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
