i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
