her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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