My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize