We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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