Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
