my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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