I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
