I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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