Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
