I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
