Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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